Strange and or Common behaviours of Poets I know (Me included 😂)

So I have compiled a list of strange/common behaviours of poets in friend list: Part 1

  1. Poet writes a long ass inspirational and motivational post hoping to motivate him/herself then posts it

  2. Poet quotes him/herself frequently, sometimes uses a backdrop image of flowers and tags his/her friends

  3. Poet cries for attention from his/her Facebook friends, asking them to recommend a book to read

  4. Poet buys two books. Takes 10 photographs of them and posts on Facebook with tags as #HappyReading #TeamBookworm but doesn’t read them.

  5. Poet is too narcissistic, floods Facebook with his/her images. Calls them art

  6. Poet is too angry, says s/he is an activist. Forgets writing and start taking photographs of sunsets

  7. Poet sabotages each relationship s/he enters claiming fellow poets are too hard to love

  8. Poet struggles to fit into contemporary poetry, forfeits his writing touch and claims to be fighting neo-colonialism

  9. Poet rants about entitlement and starts gender wars

  10. Poet is undecided what to post today; C.S Lewis quotes or Adolf Hitler

  11. Poet bores the hell out of others with self-righteousness giving daily tips on how to live a worthy life

  12. Poet decides that s/he is a vegetarian. Decries the cruelty of eating meat. Calls nyama choma a colonialism tool

  13. Poet writes erotica, uses contour and Braille to explain body and touching. Feels proud afterwards

  14. Poet follows a conversation on books and reading. Drops his/her e-mail requesting pdf’s which s/he won’t read.

  15. Poet sits through a boring poetry reading or performance. Rants afterwards about the death of poetry.

  16. Poet lists on his/her cover letter all the poetry competition they have participated in

  17. Poet recommends Paulo Coelho at any given opportunity

  18. Poet writes a “Vocabularised” poem, his/her friends complain about hard words. Poet retorts how lazy they are.

  19. Poet wonders what political happenings s/he should discuss today. Kenya’s? U.S’s? Russia? Decides later to post a remote scientific discovery

  20. Poet keeps naming and tagging published contemporaries into his/her posts and praises them for their over 100 poems in a chapbook and online lit mags each single day.

  21. Poet starts a poem with a long ass disclaimer that beats the poem in making sense.

  22. Female poet shares a pic #TBT then feels offended when she called hot, rants about patriarchy and calls all men bluffs.

  23. Poet discovers fashion, instructs people daily about grooming. Turns poetry blog into a fashion police blog but posts pictures of the food s/he has prepared

  24. Male poet gets too touchy on Facebook, explains the limitations of masculinity then decries how men are brought up. Recommends crying as the manly accord

  25. Poet fears giving his/her raw opinions on controversial matters for fear of being named traditional and retrogressive

  26. Poets beef up on Facebook; one calls the other a joke, the other states that the former isn’t published. They both realize their popularity goes as far as between them. Reconciliation begins

  27. Poet rushes to take photos with all the important poets in an event. Posts all of them with several tags on instagram and facebook. Feels important

  28. Poet whines about writers block. Falls in love again. Starts off by a motivational post on overcoming writers block

  29. Poet watches a movie. Realizes it’s 3.a.m and posts on Facebook #TeamInsomnia

  30. Poet takes pictures of his/her library. Glows with pride from envious poets. Never reads them.

© Eddy Ongili 2015

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