“make it stop”

it never occurred to me that i could see the slow dripping of water

from the shower to the point i touched something solid from all the droplets
and it must have been my tear trying to survive

we came so far and you left me with this crave for water

and how do i stop this when i know how you love your pain

and the earth is a breeding ground

whereby you are in pain and i am wishing it is simpler for you

how do I make it stop?

why can’t it be you and i?

why can’t i repress myself from dreaming?

as how i stop myself from saying how you put me on sail

in a boat full of flowers and told me to close my eyes

until you had kissed each part of my face

but then as the boat went further ashore all i felt was this cold tempest
until my ribcage rammed my heart is when I understood that shipwrecks are pits for the death of communication
because now i speak a foreign language you don’t want to listen to

and i have been a wanderer ever since and

i can’t explain how i saw you standing on a cliff inexpressive

how did you leave me inside the boat

why did you go away?

when we have these moments we have to share

and how much we belong inside each other’s eyes

we could have had it all forever

i can burn my fingers reaching inside molten fire to collect

the tokens of memories and yet crave to burn some more

i can make you hear my cries before dust settles

to prove that dance floors are extremely open places

yet i would have to compose a song that will make us

shout to god to make everything stop

so that in silence we would acquire the songs of our time

i can draw the earth for the pleasure of feeling you close to me

and even when i  lie on the ground it wouldn’t be enough

i can whisper your name under the moonlight

and attack my mind with the urgency of a firefly

i can draw candles and make an anniversary, each single day

and i would still be unsatisfied without you

i can lament on the state of my existence

but yet follow you to hollows you would reach to

and if you were to go deeper, i would continue digging

rapture me with gunfire and i’d have a name for each bullet hole

blind me with science and i’d show you the geography of your body

because i am unable to go from desiring you to silence

yet i have loved you in chaos that outwardly resemble silence

why is it this way?

why is it that when i am writing, you are the force behind my pen?

why is it that i am compelled to stay calm and yet inside i am a mess

why am i writing this while i can easily tell you

why is it that i am clinging to nothing yet your eyes have refused to make me stop

why can’t i discover a way of desiring you less each day

and if anyone would ask, how long has it been?

i would dig the ground for all the hair and skin i have lost waiting for you

but why do i keep hoping and praying when i can easily touch you?

(C) Eddy Ongili 2015