If they ask, tell them you don’t know and I never wrote this

it began with a poem
until they told you that poets are untrustworthy and stupid people
at the time, I never cared much
except that you lamented on their inadequacy and like everyone
i insisted that poets were the earth’s mistake 
in retention of chaos
and be it accidental art or pulverization by your bias
i admired them from a far
until I loved you to the point I wanted to hold you
till none of us could understand why we were suddenly crying
but there was laughter and words I never knew existed
until I turned into a poet by the way your palms rode through mine
until I remained amazed at the beating of the heart under
the weight of love. Always love!

Then it stopped
And the world has to know that

i hid my voice under the pale shadow of an echo
trying to gather the frustration of having to
beg you to stay with me
i went further and punctured my tongue
from all the biting I undertook
to stop myself from admitting that
i was too obsessed with you
but all the time you stood there like an ice lake
and instead of letting my blood sink or freeze 
you added oil onto ice
for the pleasure of watching me stay in horror
and off
i slid and crushed under the weight of a love
i had never felt before.

i wished sometimes that I could hold your attention
to interrupt the way you kept leaving me
that I could even be important enough
for you to share that one kiss
and I would have gone away
you were also suffering
begging for love as I was to you
but from another person
those days, I saw no brutal fireworks
no substantial flames that could rid me off
the intense feeling and I hoped you never had to
need anything as much as I needed you

i broke apart
like every time I passed by a quarry
i felt the separation the miners subjected to the stones 
until I momentarily turned into a weeping reflection of the same
but then
i felt … your eyes were such violent stimulants
i felt … the ache inside you
and I would have closed my eyes to memorize you
like sifting the fucking alphabets for your name
to prevent me from reliving anything once it was dead and gone
i felt … now I feel so confused every time I think of you
i feel the urge to hug you then pull back and collide
to see if we still can light a fire from destruction we have encountered

(C) Eddy Ongili 2015


5 thoughts on “If they ask, tell them you don’t know and I never wrote this

  1. Amazing is not a strong enough word to describe the phantasm of you thoughts. Epitome of creativity. I love your poems. Big ups man! keep writing, and i will keep marveling


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