“Stock Exchange”

You question my habit of tearing pages
And I say it’s not clear to me either
Except that I know there is a similar sound
Closer to my heart
You said, strength is measured by perseverance
But the loot of my subsidies are trapped within your hands
Like how you sequel my story without a beginning
How you choose the characters without the plot
How you overdo their distinct voices
I am afraid of being lost in your story
Only to be left to wander on the fingertips of a hermit reader

Haven’t you observed?
That all the time I have known you
I have been indiscrete on my discovery
That squared books trample ruled books when writing
Or has it been my obsession of fitting you inside a sentence
That I am affected by the applause of authorizing a full stop
Like how many times do I have postulate on the intensity of our love?
You open me like a crater
Knowing too well I am an addict of the sea
Forgetting that I cannot swallow myself
But rise up like a fucking tsunami

Instead, we both know everyone was right that we are impassionate
But every time we fought the urge to silence their scandalous remarks
Because love had arrived and with it
There was a mandatory collision of passion and we took the remnants
Piece by piece
Until we had something we could harness our pride from 
Other worldly, it has never been us to see dust settle
And I have turned into a stagnant gambler
Rummaging through the recession of heart, mind, soul and body
Never bidding my incessant cents to avail myself as a worthy partner
Because I rue like a callous desert storm inside the eye and throat of a wanderer

It feels surprisingly normal at times And I manage to throng the world and flatter my presence
By exerting the gallant nature of my system
Away from oddity, uncertainty and unrequition
But there is this invisible coin tattoo that you fire-patched inside me
And the more I try to get rid of it, the more the wound grows
So I am left pouring soil whenever I move
Because you learnt the tricks against burning bridges
And I swear it has something to do with your eyes
But the final loud bell in the stock exchange awoke the loneliness
That the consummation of life became a fetish to have you
Sandwiched between ices to reveal the smoke that has persisted
In fuelling you further away from me. 

I am troubled with little things such as
If salvation is so important then why do we have to risk it all by trying?
Isn’t existence a fraction of the trading of innocence for experience?
And in the end, what really matters?
I have continuously developed a habit of lurking around the gates of the stock exchange
Watching the last overworked, underpaid and drenched lover plod home
After the sea struck an intercourse with the land
To demystify the loss of investment you caused by unleashing Game
I fall to my knee and curl myself like a shilling, weeping
Sometimes like a fucking brat
And I stay there until security shouts that I should go home
And that is when I go
Because it has turned into a habit of waiting for something to push me

My life goes on moderately well
But you have always been the bravest and daring
Like when you showed me how to fight waves
By lying at the shore and letting them wash us up
You said, they could not occupy the space we had unless we let them
And so we stayed put until we kissed like waves
Now do the same and tell the world
Tell them dear
That I was the silent wave upon the creek where we left our seashells
Those that taught us how to write poems similar to the brilliance of the sea
Before you sneaked back when I was asleep after loving me like a child
Then you callously broke all of them and ran away
Tell them you scattered the pieces in the sea
So that they will try and see the affliction you brought upon me

(C) Eddy Ongili 2015

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