Gloom!

Gloom!

I sit wistfully internalizing my thoughts,
submerging each tear in this ocean of
despair. Rounding up consistent
empathies from heaven’s eyes and
chewing them if only to feel something
inside me.
I walk along empty alleys of my soul,
formerly blossoming and radiating with
thin awareness. I falter along intense
vibrating walls aching to crush on me
and my emotions bleach my thoughts
with acute melancholia.
Sometimes I think that the harrowing
silence will swallow me and my vulnerable
self will be a non-existent bygone of
the winds. A certain lament of
ingratitude and uselessness wafts in my
nose in rusting blackness and I think its
gone – Only for consuming pain to
whisper it will be well and the cycle
starts again.

With love dancing around my neck and falling to my feet, one would have sworn I
knew the silent song in the thundering
rain. I have tried being strong and
shaking her spell off me but each time I
try, she draws closer like a warriors
lance upon a imminent prey.
I am a single mostly invincible droplet in
her soul and she tries hard to entangle
me in madness – she carries a bucket
full of soil to pour on the droplet and
bury me in this tormenting abyss. If
only I knew what she thinks and feels
like the echoes of her soul, if I could
describe even in words – the grace of
her eyes
Truthfully, I have taken steps to move
on and I left with such profound
nostalgia of her flowery smile. Yet I
never realized that the moment I took
the first step, it was when I started rounding myself in this unbreakable thread.

She has the beauty, painfully penetrating into my craving soul and I watch her from this single hole in this fetters of unsheathable prison walls because everytime I pull away, I crush back heavily. But I long for an eclipsing
herb to undress her stiffness and that
she may think of me even for a moment.
I’d mold her face on the clouds to
have her plunge a knife into my heart
and send me to suffer somewhere else.
I’ve seen enough of earth and its
uncertainty. I am totally hopeless
for convincing myself that she’ll never want
me as much as I have needed her. I’ve
tried holding her … Like the veils of
indomnitable thirst, like the single
fountain of life that is ever elusive for
mortals. And I seem like a scorching
desert that aches for one foot stepping
of a traveller – if only to hide from
the heat and pain for a second.
I am nothing without her.
I swore to never write of you again Belle, but I can’t!

© Eddy Ongili

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